Formula One's all about bravery and driver skill, right? Actually, we think you'll find it's about a group of science-driven individuals who control everything from behind computer screens. So what would happen:
IF F1 WAS RULED BY... THE ENGINEERS
1. The one thing that's
wrong with current F1 is that there are too many variables, particularly the massively inconsistent one in the driving seat. He'd be banned straight away. (Drivers') opinions are like bottoms, everyone's got one but you don't want to hear it all the time.
2. Alright, so we can't have robot drivers yet (though I do know this guy at Honda who says he's been training one to race on Playstation), but if we have to have drivers, can they at least go to science school before they get in the cockpit? If I have to suffer one more driver making steering wheel motions with his hands and then describing the car as "a bit wobbly", I'll punch him (or get someone strong to do it).
3. In Engineer F1, the rules would clearly state that while F1 is run within clear parameters based on known constants, we'd still have the right to build anything we damn well please and no one can stop us! No one!
4. Rule 3 would, of course, include development of a Flux Capacitor like the one on that car in Back to the Future and also the really cool thing from that episode of Star Trek: Next Generation, which, if you think about it, was way better than Classic Trek. Seriously, I can let you read the monologue I delivered to TrekCon XXXII on that very topic if you like. Hang on, come back... why are you running away?
5. Cost-cutting would of course be encouraged -- starting with all the non-essential stuff, like marketing, PR, hospitality, travel for non-essential (i.e. non-engineering) staff, promotion, guests, food (aside from sandwiches for us). All that money could then be used for building 1,174 improved versions of a front-wing endplate.
6. Finally, the Drivers' Championship (irrelevant) would be scrapped in favour of a series of awards (big shiny ones) to be given for a variety of engineering categories at a big end-of-season ceremony where all those neandearthal jocks from school who used to mock us for being nerdy would be made to applaud loudly and recognize us as the superior beings we most certainly are.
Car 6 MARK WEBBER
1st Practice P7, 2nd Practice P1
"The track changed a lot today, obviously it's a new venue and it was slippery in P1. It started to get more sensible as the day went on, but it's the same for everyone and we just have to keep chipping away, doing what we can with our programme and working with the car. It was a positive day and the car ran well; there was a lot of information to gather and we've done that pretty successfully. We're optimistic with today's performance and now we're focusing on getting ready for tomorrow. It's enjoyable to drive here -- there are a couple of unique sections and it's always a challenge for a driver to get into a new venue. The pit entry and exit is a little bit marginal to get on and off the track but, apart from that, they've done a remarkable job and I'm clutching at straws to criticise anything."
Car 5 SEBASTIAN VETTEL
1st Practice P4, 2nd Practice P7
"I think we got a crash course in sliding around and drifting today -- it was good fun. The track time was more valuable this afternoon, but I had a puncture early on in P2, which affected our running. As a result we had to go on to the option early and the tyres weren't too grateful for that. But, all in all, it wasn't too bad. I think the pit entry is quite on the edge here because it's blind and someone going into the pits will be going slower than someone who's staying out. If you're trying to pass and they decide to pit, it could be quite difficult. I think qualifying should be good as the pace is there. Mark had a calm afternoon and looked competitive, the first sector is not in our hands, but we can fight back in the second and third sectors."